Greatest union

"We've got the greatest union in the world," the husband told his wife after dinner.
"Well- what happened?" the wife asked.
"Well-I've got good news and bad news."
"First the good news- I got Rm 100,000 severance pay!"

"Wonderful,wonderful," said the wife."Now what is the bad news"?

"Wait till you find out what they severed!"

No DNA.

Saya nak tanyakan satu soalan kepada rakyat Malaysia.Soalannya mudah saja.Soalan berbunyi begini:

Apakah akan terjadi kepada kepada siasatan polis keatas sesuatu pengaduan mangsa rogol atau pun meliwat yang mangsanya terdiri dari kanak kanak atau dewasa yang mana kebetulan adalah saudara mara kita seandainya kesemua orang yang dituduh itu enggan memberi atau membenarkan ujian DNA diambil untuk lengkapkan sesuatu siasatan?

Apa jenis keadilan yang akan simangsa yang kadangkala maseh menyusu akan dapat kalau pihak yang menyiasat tidak dibenarkan mengambil sampel DNA orang yang kena tuduh?

Bolehkah sikecil membantu siasatan tanpa ada DNA orang yang disyaki?

Bolehkah kesemua orang yang dituduh meletak syarat2 dan meminta pasukan forensic dari luar negara untuk menjalankan ujian DNA keatas mereka?

Kalau kita tidak ada keyakinan atau kepercayaan dari semua jabatan dari kehakiman,kesihatan,kimia,polis,pendakwaraya dan lain lain lagi,abis apa yang kita percaya?

Apakah sebab adanya satu dua doktor yang tersilap beri ubat atau membuat kecuaian maka kita tidak lagi percaya kepada doktor,disebabkan ada peguam yg menipu maka kita tidak lagi percaya pada peguam,disebabkan ada tok2 yg merogol cucu,bapa2 yg merogol anak sendiri,abang2 yg merogol adik kandung sendiri maka kita tidak percaya kepada semua "tali persaudaraan ini,disebabkna ada satu dua ustaz atau pak lebai yg melakukan rogol atas anak murid yg dihantar untuk mengaji quran maka kita tidak percaya pada yg lain dan menghalang anak2 dihantar untuk mengaji quran.

Renung2kanlah.kita ada akal fikiran,fikirlah sendiri.

Responsibities of parents toward children

* TO SHOW LOVE AND CARE

* EDUCATE THEM

* GUIDE THEM IN THEIR CAREER CHOICE

* TO GIVE POSITIVE ADVICE

* TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER FOR THE CHILD,
IF REQUESTED.

* TO KNOW THE CHILD'S PEERS AND DAILY
ACTIVITIES

A man who is outstanding in his field.

Our next speaker is a man who is outstanding in his field.I hate that phare 'a man who is outstanding in his field.' You don't know if he's a celebrity or a farmer. (Robert Orben)



This will be rather a short talk tonight and I want to thank three people for it.My partner,who took a 45 minute speech and edited it down to 30 minutes.My wife,who took the 30 minute speech and edited it down to 15 minutes.And my secretary,who took the 15 minute speech and lost it. (Robert Orben)


The renowned speaker was asked by the journalist,what was the most difficult work in his speaking profession-travel,preparation of addresses,interviews,handling questions or what.?

"Well," said the speaker, "my biggest problem is to awaken my audience after the Chairman of the meeting has introduced me."

distinguished speaker

Two countries claim the birth of our distinguished speaker-Australia and New Zealand. Australia claims he was born in New Zealand,and New Zealand claims he was born in Australia.

Undisturbed peace ever after.

Mark Twain once edited a paper in Missouri.One of his subcribers wrote to him;he had found aspider in his paper and wanted to know whether it meant good luck or bad.This is what Mark answered:

"Old Subcriber: finding a spider in your paper was neither good luck nor bad luck for you.The spider was merely looking over our paper to see which merchant is not advertising so that he can go to that store,spin his web across the door and lead a life of undisturbed peace ever after."

Water rebate may be harmful

I have mixed feelings about the rebate for water in Selangor.
The intentuion is noble,but the act itself may be harmful.While there is reason to rejoice for those whom the rebate will ease financial burden,I cannot help but feel sad to think that more likely than not,a great number of ignorant Malaysians will continue(or even increase)to carelessly waste water.
Malaysia is blessed with plentiful water, a resource so precious globally.
I believe that there is lack of awareness of the fact that water security is an issue plaguing many countries in the world.
While 70% of this fresh water,only 2.5% is fresh water,and 70% of this water is locked up in ice in Antartica and Greenland.
True dry lands extend over nearly half of the earth's land surface and the area is increasing due to various anthropogenic-related stress.
At the conference on water issues some years ago,I was shocked by the attitude displayed by the then Energy,Water and Communications Minister who callously said Malaysia did not have a water issue,and that we had 95% of underground water resources unexplored.
A person in his capacity,I assumed would understand that the underground water is exploited as among the last resort.
In 2005,the department of Environment monitoring activities found that almost 50% of our river basins are polluted to certain degree.
In Selangor alone,only 35% of the rivers are suitable for water intake.It comes as scare commodity in Malaysia,water rebate will be the least of our concerns.

NEL,Kuala Lumpur.

THE NEGATIVE ACTS OF PARENTS TOWARDS CHILDREN.

x -BELITTLING THE CHILD'S ABILITIES

x -NOT FIRM

x -GIVING NEGATIVE INSTEAD OF POSITIVE
REINFORCEMENT.

x -NOT ABLE TO BE A FRIEND TO THE CHILD

x- CRITICISING

x -DO NOT LOVE HIM/HER OPENLY

x -PARENTS ARGUING IN FRONT OF THE CHILD

x -NOT MONITORING THEIR TV/VIDEO
VIEWINGS

x -NOT MONITORING THE CHILD'S PHONE
CALLS

x -NOT TEACHING THEM SOCIAL ETIQUETTE

x -INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

x -GIVING THE CHILD TOO MUCH FREEDOM

x -FAVOURITISM

x -TOO MUCH PAMPERING

-PROJECTING BAD ROLE MODELS

Ayah

AYAH


Seorang lelaki
yang banyak menyembunyikan duka
dalam senyum
melindungi kepayahan dan derita
di kolam matanya yang hening

dalam kesuraman senja
sewaktu mentari terbenam
dia pulang membawa pucuk paku
dan haruan dari sawah

dalam udara kabus
di limun pagi
dia sudah mulakan tugas
menoreh getah.
ketika menghulurkan bekal nasi lemak
pada ibu diberikannya duit
untuk belanjaku ke sekolah

dia tak pernah menunjukkan
muka masam
memukul atau marah
tetapi sering menasihatkan
supaya aku rajin belajar
jadi orang berguna
untuk masyarakat
bangsa
dan bangsa tanah air

ayah
suatu masa
aku ingin membalas
budi dan jasamu.


ZAHARI HASIB Teluk Intan.

Lurid and Suggestive.

A young lady who was about to get married responded to one of the those 'lurid' and 'suggestive' advertisements for a book that would tell everything a lady should know to prepare her for one of the most important aspects of marriage.The book promised to come with complete and detailed instructions.
After several days of waiting and anticipation,the postman finally delivered a book that fulfilled every promise: a cookbook.

The difference between racial and racist.

In the light of current political developements,the words "racial" and "racist" need to be explicated and put in the right context.

The word "racial" is a derivative adjective from the root noun "race" which has several shades of meaning according to the Oxford Dictionary.

Its meaning include:(i) "each of the major divisions of humankind,having distinct physical characteristics" and (ii) "a group of people sharing the same culture,language etc;an ethnic group."

The adjective "racist" is derived from the noun "racism" which according to the Oxford dictionary means:(i) "the belief that there are characteristics,abilities or qualities specific to each race" and (ii) "discrimination against or antagonism towards other races."

While "racial" has a neutral,non-emotive meaning, "racist" has emotive undertones.

The word "race" has become unpopular because of its associations with the now discredited 19th century theories of racial superiority exploited indiscriminately by certain quarters.

Today the term "ethnic group" is preferred to describe a community of people sharing the same physical and cultural characteristics.

While being partial to and protective of one's own ethnic group is natural and should be seen as an extension of loyalty towards kin and kind,being antagonistic and discriminatory towards people who do not share one's physical make-up and culture is not.

Speaking up for your own community is not an act of racism.It should be seen as a positive force,especially when the intention is to inspire and drive them to greater heights of achievement.

Asking the Malays to protect their own interests should be seen in this context,as it is natural for the chinese,Indians and other ethnic groups to consolidate their respective positions.

It is only when a goverment is prejudiced against particular ethnic groups and imposes discriminatory policies against them that it can be said to practice racism.It is only when you consistently accuse another ethnic group of being lazy or incapable that you can be said to be racist.

The Star. Halimah Mohd Said,Kuala Lumpur.

Blogger Buzz: Show off your favorite blogs with a Blog List

Blogger Buzz: Show off your favorite blogs with a Blog List

கோஇங் தீபேர்.

The world's first fully computerised airliner was raedy for the maiden flight without pilot or crew.The plane taxied to the loading area aoutomatically;its door opened autimaticaaly;the step came out automatically.
Then the passenger boarded the plane and took their seats.The step retracted automatically;the doors closed automaically.The aeroplane taxied towards the runaway.Everything was perfect.
Then a gentle voices came through the speakers,"Good afternon",ladies and gentlemen,wellcome to the World's first fully computerised airliner.Everything on this aircraft is run electronically and automatically.Just sit back and relax.Be assured that nothing can go wrong....nothing can go wrong....nothing can go wrong..."

pelangisenja: Twice as much.#links

pelangisenja: Twice as much.#links
Funny Videos

2x5

Pelangi membelik surat khabar The Star pagi tadi.Terbaca YAB MB Perak memberi semangat kepada ahli-ahli sukan negeri itu yang akan bertanding dalam Sukma 2008 yang akan berlangsung di Terengganu.Yang menariknya semangat sukan ala baru ditiupkan.Ahli -ahli sukan yang mewakili negeri Perak di suruh menunjukkan "semangat Pakatan Rakyat" kerana mereka ini adalah wakil "negeri negeri dibawah pemerintahan pakatan rakyat".

Pelangi tersentak dan terkedu membacanya.Nampaknya tak ada tempat sukan untuk sukan.Kini semangat sukan kenalah sama dengan semangat politik.Seingat ingat pelangi negara-negara blok komunis dahulu yang sentiasa mempolitikkan segala apa aktiviti rakyatnya baik sosio ekonomi dan poltik termasuklah sukan,dan ia dibawa ke muka dunia untuk menunjuk nunjuk kehebatan ahli-ahli sukan yang mewakili negara komunis.Ia dibuat untuk propaganda politik negara blok komunis.

Lepas membelek The Star pelangi menyelak Harian Metro.Dalam ruang berita sukannya terbaca YB Menteri KBS menyatakan beliau tidak akan bertandang ke Negeri Pulau Pinang yang dibawah pimpinan Ketua Menteri YAB Lim Guan Eng sekiranya penganjuran Piala Juara-Juara Belia 2008 tetap dijalankan.Ktanya lagi mungkin beliau hanya akan ke venue di Terengganu adan Melaka.

Pelangi lagi pening kepala.Pening pasal kalau tak silap beberapa hari dulu apabila isu dua pemain bolasepak antarabangsa yang berbangsa Yahudi dalam satu pasukan bolasepak yang dikatakan akan bermain di bumi Malaysia dibenarkan.Sebabnya kata YAB TPM,Malaysia tidak mahu mencampur aduk kan politik dengan sukan.Pelangi rasa memang pendirian itu wajar lagi tepat,sukan untuk sukan.

Terdapat dua senario diatas,terpulanglah kepada budibicara kita untuk merenungkannya.

Twice as much.

A manager worked day and night because he has a demanding boss,By the time he got home,he was completely exhausted.Just then, a fairy carrying a magic wand appeared in front of him.

"Any wish you make tonight will come true," said the fairy."But remember that whatever you ask,your boss will get twice as much."

"That's interesting,"admitted the manager."Im half dead tonight.And I think I'd like to stay just that way."


Our dislike for someone must never degenerate into a state where we wish him dead.An evil thought,according to Scriptures,is as culpable as an actual act.

The Plan and Assumption

In the Beginning was The Plan
And then came the Assumptions
And the Assumptions were without form
and the Plan was completely without subtance
and darkness was upon the face of workers
and they spoke among themselves,saying,
"It is a crock of shit,and it stinketh to high heaven."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odour thereof>"
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth,unto them,
It is a container of exrement and it is very strong,such that none may abide by it;"
And the Manager went unto their Directors and sayeth.
It is a vesel full of fertiliser,and none may abide its strenght."
And the Director spoke among themselves,saying one to other,
"Its contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice-President and sayeth unto them,]
"It promotes growth and is very powerful".

And the Vice-Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,"This new plan will actively promote the growth,and efficiency of this Company,and these particular."

And the President looked upon Plan,and saw that it was good,and The Plan became Company Policy.

• This is How Shit happens.

Member of Parliament failed to speak up.

A member of Parliament was amking his maiden speech in parliament and was so nervous he fumbled and stumbled for words.

"Mr.Speaker,sir,... I con-con-con conceive.I con-con-conceive.I con-conceive...."

A voice from the gallery called out,"You've conceived three times and brought forth nothing."

*** Conception is to bring about the birth of something.It's only the start but birthing is the end result.It's such a pity to know that there are many good visions which have been conceived but have failed to birth forth anything concrete.

Syura wajib untuk pemimpin.

• Pemimpin berhak untuk memutuskan segala urusan yang berkaitan dengan kerja-kerja yang lazim dalam pentadbiran dan fungsi-fungsi eksekutif.Pemimpin yang bertanggungjawab akan memastikan semua perkara yang berkaitan dengan perundangan diambil kira sebelum membuat sesuatu keputusan bagi semua faktor.

• Pemimpin perlu memikirkan perkara-perkara penting yang memerlukan tindakan atau penyelesaian segera apabila sesuatu masalah ditimbulkan atau dikesan dan membentangkannya kepada ahli-ahli atau ketua ketua kumpulan melalui pertemuan bersemuka atau dalam sesuatu persidangan atau sebarang perhubungan komunikasi moden.Keputusan atau penyelesaian perlu dicapai melaui perundingan.

• Kesemua halaqah atau ahli kumpulan perlu menyatakan persetujuan atau tidak bersetuju secara bebas atau mengubahsuai cadangan pemimpinnya tanpa sebarang sekatan dengan niat untuk mencapai maksud yang memanfaatkan.Sebarang ketidakpuasan atau perbezaan pendapat tidak harus dibawa keluar dari meja perundingan atau mesyaurat.

• Segala dasar,keputusan strategik dan perancangan jangka panjang perlu dirumuskan melaui perundingan bersama,kerana dari kaca mata pengikutnya,perkara ini akan menguatkan lagi kewibawaan seseorang pemimpin.

Kepimpinan

" Setiap seorang di antara kamu adalah penggembala dan kamu akan dipertanggungjawabkan atas apa yang kamu gembalai."(Sahih bukhari dan Muslim).

" Maka disebabkan rahmat dari Allah kamu berlemah lembut terhadap mereka.Sekiranya kamu bersikap keras lagi kasar,tentulah mereka menjauhkan diri dari sekelilingmu.Kerana itu maafkanlah mereka,mohonkanlah ampunan bagi mereka dalam urusan itu.Kemudian apabila kamu telah membulatkan tekad,maka bertawakallah kepada Allah.Sesungguhnya Allah menyukai orang-oarang yang bertawakal kepadanya." (Al-Imran; 3:159)

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman,jadilah kamu orang yang benar-benar penegak keadilan,menjadi saksi kerana Allah biarpun terhadap dirimu sendiri atau ibu bapa dan kaum kerabatmu.." (An-Nisaa'; 4:135)

"...Dan janganlah sekali-sekali kebencian terhadap sesuatu kaum,mendorong kamu untuk tidak berlaku adil.Berlaku adillah,kerana adil itu lebih dekat kepada takwa..." (Al-Maa-idah; 5:8)

"Sesungguhnya Allah menyuruh kamu menyampaikan amanat kepada yang berhak menerimanya,dan(menyuruh kamu)apabila menetapkan hukum di antara manusia supaya menetapkan dengan adil..." (An-Nisaa'; 4:58)

" Apakah kamu tidak memerhatikan orang yang menganggap dirinya bersih?Sesungguhnya Allah membersihkan sesiapa yang dikehendaki-Nya dan mereka tidak dianiaya sedikit pun. (An-Nisaa'; 4:49)

" Apabila dua orang datang kepada kamu untuk mendapatkan pertimbangan,jangan putuskan dengan memihak kepada satu pihak tanpa mendengar hujah daripada pihak yang lain; ia (kaedah ini)lebih memberatkan kamu untuk mengetahui kebenaran." (Rasulullah menjawab pertanyaan Ali r.a)

" Dalam ramai-ramainya orang,orang yang paling hampir dan dicintai Allah di hari Pengadilan ialah pemimpin yang adil,dan orang yang hina pada pandangan Allah dan yang dijauhi daripada_Nya ialah mereka yang tidak adil." (Rasulullah menjawab pertanyaan Abu Saeed r.a)

"Jika aku berhutang sesuatu kepada sesiapa;atau jika aku bersalah kepada sesiapa,atau merosakkan harta atau menjatuhkan maruah sesiapa,diri aku,maruah aku dan harta aku ada di sini;balaslah kepada aku semasa aku di dunia ini." ( sabda Rasulullah)

""Seorang yang menjadi hakim/pemulih tidak sepatutnya membuat sebarang keputusan bagi dua pihak yang berkonflik,sedangkan dia dalam keadaan marah." (sabda Rasulullah)